Saturday, October 18, 2008

Still Crazy...

In my mind, I’m back in the place I love the most, a place where whenever I think of, brings a lot of memories. Of sweet memories that will forever be a part of me no matter where this vagabond life will take me.

Back in the day, I never even thought of being in this cold, cold place that’s been my home for the last 5 years, most of all, of packing my bags, of leaving the old country for good and of being thousands of miles away from “home”.

I guess I am/was just a simple man, more at home in the simple life. I am/was a man with simple dreams wherein deep inside abhor the bright lights of the great country. That’s why for the longest time, I tried to shy away from its pull. But like the nymph dangling her magic potion to her unsuspecting victim, I finally succumbed to her allure.

And if you ask me now that if I could turn back the hands of time and do it all over again, would I still do it the same way? Yeah, sure. I don’t know. Maybe. Who knows? Who cares?

I had my reasons back then and I still have my reasons now.

But in those days, I had this mind-set that you can always blame to youthful idealism; where you feel invincible, where the fire in your heart drives your every decision, where your own life is nothing compared to the common good, where everything you do is being romanticized in your mind…

…Until the sorry state of everything you hold dear stared back at you in contempt and disdain. And that’s the hardest thing to accept. Even now.

So, here I am in the wee hours of the morning, writing this little nonsense while stuck in the old couch in front of the old console TV, while under the influence of that sweet wine from Leelanau.

The place is so quiet and dark except for the light coming from this old laptop that obviously has seen better days. Alas, the weatherman proclaimed earlier that we might just get some frost early tomorrow. Nice. Too early, actually. Not good.

So you ask me now, what I have become?

I still long to be back in the old country someday: I still want to walk the lonely walk in the narrow trails of the barrios in the Bondoc Peninsula; I still long to be around the bonfires with the the peasants somewhere in the quiet nooks of the Cordilleras, Samar or Margosatubig.

I still love the simple life; the smell of fresh air and the orange sunrise, the sight of beautiful flowers and the sound of the birds chirping in the morning.

I still love the feel of a quiet moment, the serene mist that blankets the river, the feel of the cold grass on my bare feet, the distant stars, the silvery moonlight and the dancing fireflies in the evening…

And yes, I am still crazy.


Anonymous said...

nostalgia huh? keep it together. i sense melancholy. you'll be fine.

gibbs cadiz said...

you know you (and i, i suppose) will go back. darating din yun. :)

Panaderos said...

I relate to what you're feeling, Pards. I've taken some steps to put a part of myself back in the homeland. I long for the day when I can spend at least a good part of the year back home. (Especially during the winter months.)

mitsuru said...

princess cat,

thanks. :)


In God's time. he-he.


I guess we're on the same boat, Pards. ha-ha.

karmi said...

Missing your old home, will it ever go away? I don't think so. Keep well Mitsuru.

haze said...

I have seen this with my own two eyes, it is just beautiful! Nostalgic ka dyan ha, ako rin minsan kaya nga malapit na rin akong umuwi eh :D ! EXCITED AKO !!!!

Belle said...

taga sain ka ngani sa bikol, kabayan? Albay? just love reading your entry. i, too, miss everything about home even if it means i have to squat on the toilet bowl, take a bath using ladle, or sleep on the hard floor.

mitsuru said...


amen. :)


good luck sa pagbabalik pinas mo. :) ako matagal pa.


there's no place like home, ha? taga albay tabi ako. sa tiwi, nahihiling ko sa baybayon ang catanduanes bga. :)

kathy said...

You know, my life now is much different now compared to before, and in some ways it is better, in some ways not. But it is definitely more complicated, and sometimes I wonder if all these complications are really worth it, when I could have a much simpler, quieter life back home.

Nah. It's all a matter of perspective, I dare say. :)

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